The Middle

It’s not common to start in the middle of the story but today I struggle and so the middle is where it begins. Today, I did research on new attorneys. I searched terms like high conflict divorce, emotional abuse and narcissism. I became disheartened when I looked up how to modify a custody order and saw how the family court and my Judge screwed me and my children and did very little to follow the rule of law. What rule of law is that you ask? The best interests of the child standard.

I spent 8 plus years of marriage to a narcissist who abused me and all of the children in the home with emotional and psychological abuse as well as financial abuse. I have spent the last 5 years, not married to him and still being abused. He abuses me by not following court orders, not allowing me to speak to the children, using the court room to abuse me and to abuse me financially by never being done. All of this to be detailed later.

The worst of it, is that there is no help. Lawyers can’t help, the judges can’t help and courts and their procedures are designed for someone like my ex, let’s call him John, to abuse. Narcissists win in court. Mine did. I am damaged from the experience and I won’t ever recover financially or emotionally. John’s grown children are now damaged adults and our children already show signs of emotional damage. He breaks the law but is very careful not to leave a trace and so he gets away with it or it’s seen as a victimless crime. He didn’t murder anybody so he gets away with it. The police will arrest a vagrant urinating on your lawn but they won’t arrest someone who steals your text messages or is faking disability to lower their child support.

I filed for divorce in 2014 and I only consider this the middle.